Day #5. "That Part Of My Life Is Over Now."
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Karma Free Writing will be offering 27 Days of Karma Free Writing Prompts starting on the 1st day of Spring. These writing prompts are designed to stimulate the creative process for writing your personal story - and beyond.
27 Day Karma Free Writing Prompts - Honorarium
The 1st 14 days are free. To go the whole 27 days there is a $27 honorarium.
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March
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- DAY #12. THEME: "REVISIT"
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- Day #6. "Buying a pair of shoes."
- Day #5. "That Part Of My Live Is Over Now."
- Day #4. "That which is no longer."
- Day #3. "My Whole Life Was About To Change - I jus...
- Day #2. "Should of, would of, could of ... IF ONLY"
- "Prompt #1 - Things my parents taught me"
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About Me
So helping Mum die and writing the Noodle showed me what happens when I just let go. When I stop trying to control, stage, design, produce everything.
ReplyDeleteThat's a big hurdle. Trusting the universe, the spirit guides or God swirling around. Knowing they will move me to what's next. I imagine these soul or spirit guides to be like Greg's gentle hands on my lower back when I'm hiking and exhausted. His soft touch pushes me ever so softly, but I get powerful pull. I can do this. Someone is with me. Looking after me.
Throughout the year I've slyly consulted astrologers, psychics, and intuitive guides. "What am I suppose to be doing next? What is my purpose?"
They all say the same thing. Get over your insecurities. You have a spiritual gift, but you need to allow yourself to feel and operate by your soul and not your head. Your head is blocking you from your gift.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, says my business executive head. I am running a serious marketing consulting firm. And God knows I need the income. Especially after yet another frivolous clothing purchase.
But I do so love that French bubble skirt with the purple linen sweater with the lime green piping. I feel magical in that thousand dollar outfit.
Maybe I should dress up in my new French clothes -- and the gorgeous pewter French shoes -- and click my heels like Dorothy in Oz.
I will not worry. I will trust my heart and soul and spirit guides to show me what's next. I will no longer be insecure about all the maybe's, could be's, what if's and skimpy IRA savings.
I'm so close to overcoming this hurdle. Like a pole vaulter I wish I could adjust the height of the bar.
But at 5' 1" I'm tall enough to jump and know I won't get hurt.
I may even fly.
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ReplyDelete.... and at 40, tears for days in a hotel room in dehradun, india. i released this crumpled up self, and while aching to the bone, i am fascinated by the organic moans, groans, and wails that come up from my belly. it begins to feel good. the wake up call. the beginning of understanding the neglect of soul and the beginning of a literacy to discover the underpinnings of my vampire self.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you for enlightening us with the meaning of 27 days, Joshua!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't wait to get out of high school. Not that I didn't enjoy it, it's just that I was ready to be out in the world and off on my own. I was determined to go to New York City to become an actress.
I played the lead role in every high school production. I was a cheerleader, on the gymnastics team, on the track team and the debate team. I was on the student council and in the thespian society. I was bursting out of my catholic school uniform, ready to cheer my way onto the Broadway stage. Rah, yea, I've got it, uh huh!
I couldn't wait to fly away from the Home of the Heartland and take a bite out of the Big Apple.
Victory isn’t a word I think of in relation to me. It’s not that I haven’t been victorious, but I’m generally holding my breath, waiting for a relapse or the rising up of rebellion. I’ve got a lot of rebels. Inside mostly, though I guess they are reflected outside as well. Honestly, I’ve probably been fairly victorious over the rebels in the past year. This has been an amazing year and yeah, I’ve had a lot of amazing years in my life, but things are happening faster – good things.
ReplyDeleteLike the writers group, the sacred sisters who support me and my story and fell safe to do the same with me. That’s a victory. And lets see, attracting a publisher/editor who loves my work and says it’s important to tell, well yeah, that’s another victory. And I guess recognizing that I am allowing myself to see, feel, live these connections is a – what – dame those blank spots – okay, let’s go with celebration.
I can’t (author’s note – this was supposed to be CAN, Freudian slip??) celebrate my worthiness, a victory over the worthless voices, habits, routines – now I’m better at catching those slippery little thoughts that pull me down and more important I’m willing to attend victory balls. Well, not quite, but maybe…
Maybe that’s what I’ll call the springtime party I want to throw and maybe this year I’ll actually do it.
A victory ball. A celebration of Goddesses stepping into their story, their life, their empowerment. It will be a glorious event, surrounded by the bounty of nature in her violet mode. The sage, the lilac, the wild lilac, all in their best shade of purple – a purple party, all in celebration of me.
Yikes. Feels funky, uncomfortable to spend so much time and ink talking about victory. So much easier to focus on the missing pieces. Oops, there I go again, and yikes, that pesky judge is back.
Celebrate victory – the smile on my face, the flush on my cheeks, the warming fullness to my heart. My feet firmly planted.
We had been coming in from Chicago, I’d dropped off the clown or the fat guy in the city, said, “Thanks, we’ll call you, love to do it again, see you around…” I had made previous arrangements to fly the juggler in and pick him up in Grand Rapids the next day, then drive to the show in Mount Pleasant. Everything was timed out perfectly. Now, everything was perfectly fucked.
ReplyDeleteLois - lovely imagery in your post. Purple, they say, is a powerful color, chosen by royalty and of course, feminine strength. Emperors cloaked up in it, but I think they didn't quite tap into the same power that the velvet hooded cloaks sold in gift shops in Salem, Mass.. Next Halloween or sooner I'll invest in one. Enjoy your indulgences. I try to remember that "power" stems in organic matters- like nature. Mother Nature.
ReplyDeleteBloodRedRoses: thanks! I use to wear a velvet hooded cloak in college. Forgot how much I loved that.
ReplyDeleteDebra: A Victory Ball? with Goddesses celebrating? I can see it all unfolding...maybe on the Solstice....Send me an invite!
Lois: Purple and green is the exact combo of my bathroom towels that I seem to keep whenever I need to spoil myself into decorating however I please.... :)
ReplyDeleteDebra: A celebration of me? The best kind of victory party. See you can do it!
ReplyDeleteJoanna: I hope to someday truly achieve that living in the moment concept. My 95 year old Grannie once shared: "it's hard when someone dies.." The 8 year old me jumped in: "those poor people who die." She corrected me: "I think it's harder for those who stay behind and have to remember.." How you're dealing w/ impermanence is so brave.
ReplyDeleteGod closes one door and leaves a window open. How many times have I heard that lately? From one court appeal to the next… But true salvation came in the rush of freedom. I allowed myself to be afraid, but step up and speak into the microphone. It’s easy to start something, but to never give up and then let go when the monsters stop snarling or recede… is victory. You win yourself over, and the rest is history.
ReplyDeletePeople don’t change. I’ve finally got it… on a deep level. At least this is how I feel, and yet that might sound pretentious but believe me I’ve worked hard on the subject and for a very long time.
ReplyDeleteToday I have the feeling I understand that people don’t change in every part of me, in my whole me. Not only with my head, not only inside my body, not only intuitively, that sweet inside voice that kept whispering in my heart : you are the only one that have the power to change… yourself sweetheart… the only change you can hope for is in yourself.
I’m a slow adept, I’ve always been a slow learner and especially on simple subjects like : letting go.
Let go is easy,so easy it’s not even funny to look back at the forty years it took me to finally understand how simple it is … simple and easy.
I’ve learned with the best Master in growing I ever had, my Mom. I’ve learned that wonderful gift in a very unexpected way.
Mother decided all by herself in her own style that the time had come to cross the Rainbow Bridge, last December…. December 23, 2009. Exactly that day. The choice of the date can tell enough about the person she was… I knew quite a lot about who she was and how she behaved. The tricky thing was knowing what she was capable of, I could not help keeping in my broken heart a sparkle of hope. I’ve tried really hard to blow away the tiny flame,the sparkle of hope…. But no… I simply could not let go of that hope that someday she will find the courage to say something nice for a change, something sweet… or maybe an apology, just I’m sorry would have been enough.
I’m not myself a champion in honesty, but I’m doing the best I can. What my heart was madly hoping for, no matter how loud my head was repeating : she cannot, she cannot, she cannot, was simply : I LOVE YOU.
Hope is a wonderful gift. Hope is a terrible gift. Hope can do miracles. Hope is insane. Hope is destructive. Hope is addictive. Yes I have to humbly admit it, I’m an addict. See ? I’m becoming much better on the honesty side. An addict of hope, an addict of love, an addict of life and definitely an addict of growth.
Now that I’ve finally admitted that people don’t change, no matter how hard you try,and how madly you hope, they don’t, they simply don’t. There’s still something that I hope.
I hope to be wise enough and loving enough to see the best and the best only in people. No matter who they are and how they behave.
I was a terrible dater.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't seem to quit dating someone even if I knew he wasn't a good fit.
I learned about relationships from my parents. They have been miserably married for 62 years. Sticking it out no matter what is the way to be.
So I'd date someone until every last shred of good will was decimated before I'd break up. I have no idea why guys put up with it.
Then, I was 40, divorced for the second time. I felt like a walking cliche.
I started dating.
Being 40 twice divorced, I'd had more than my fair share of drama. I decided I'd live drama free in all aspects of life. (My sons did not cooperate in this endeavor, but that's another tale.)
Greg. I started dating Greg. He was nice. He was Canadian. Canadians have to be nice, I think. He was a musician. He was a journalist. He was a cyclist. His four front teeth were fake. The got knocked out in a hockey game when he was a teenager.
His front teeth were yellow. There looked like ancient ivory. They were shocking.
Greg was a nice guy. He was Canadian. But he drove a PT Cruiser. What guy drives a PT Cruiser...it has a Neon chasis.
Greg was a nice guy. He was 50 and he still read Maxim.
Greg was journalist and he didn't read the New Yorker or the New York Times or the Economist or novels or any nonfiction.
And he had those teeth.
I started to pick on him.
Then, I remembered I was now to be in a drama free zone.
So, when he told me he loved me, I knew i had to just stop dating him.
I told him I had to stop dating him because he drove a PT Cruiser, read Maxim at 50, didn't read anything else, and refused to get his teeth fixed.
He thought I was nuts.
It was so easy. Quit dating, no drama, no hard feelings really. It was wonderful.
He still has those teeth. Really, if he's going to insist on them, he should move back to Canada...or England. They don't seem to mind too much about teeth.
inkydinkyparlezvous: HILARIOUS! especially the last two lines. I'm laughing out!
ReplyDeleteOk I think I got this right , but it has to be a brief paragraph because i am lucky to be racing out to work. Anyway loving the prompts Josh!!! So Good on ya for that!! I could not find anything final or over in my life really that merited a page, maybe another time but right now I am STILL learning a lot of lessons and what not and the page aint over yet so i could not focus as well on this one.
ReplyDeleteok i did it i posted, so far a miracle!!!
Carol Ann
I want to comment on everyone of these! Skullswinger, you made me feel like I walked into a Jim Jarmush (sp?) movie!! Loved it. Carol Ann...none of us are done! AND yes thank you Josh. Aubepine..."I myself am not a champion in honesty" a perfect jewel that line! Debra, you must have a springtime party....make it at a super weird time like 6:30 a.m. so you can watch the sun come up together..new life, new celebrations. Ms. Triple A....And did you get to cheer yourself all the way to Broadway? Riff, ram bah, zoo, lickety, lickety" Ok so it didn't work, but I want to know more. JOANNA..A chilling line "My god I have this moment by moment forever" perfect in that it cuts both ways...this is great and this is terrifying! MZDebra..."organic moans and groans from the stomack. LOVE the imagery. Lois...please let us know if you get over your insecurities and trust your intuitive gifts. AND if you need to get rid of those pewter shoes...I'll take 'em.
ReplyDeleteThat part - seemed like ALL the parts
ReplyDeleteComing to terms with the present is as easy as touching my toes
Don't, Can't seem to do that much anymore
Don't want to - prefer to be in dreamland
Pretty much how it is anyway
Not sure - Not there
Can't accept that yet - Nothing fits - No logic - No reasoning
Just not there yet.