27 Day Karma Free Writing Prompts - Honorarium

The 1st 14 days are free. To go the whole 27 days there is a $27 honorarium.

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Sunday, April 11, 2010

Day #24 - Theme: "That is so me!"

#24. Theme: "That is so me!"
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8 comments:

  1. UnknownApril 12, 2010 at 11:33 AM

    I put on my largest jog bra over my new fake boobs and bent down to tie my running shoes. After six weeks of recovery time, the silicone has settled in and I can finally workout and get healthy again. If only I could reach my shoes. Damn, these boobs are big.

    I’d already had botox, a nose job and a facelift, when my manager suggested I get a boob job. I was anxious to see how my new size 36D breasts would perform, not only when I went running, but in my acting career. I had too much free time on my hands, and hoped my manager was right, that big boobs would get me more acting gigs. I’m such a hard worker, but things were moving much too slowly for my taste. I don’t want to be 80 and wearing dentures before I get my big break.

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  2. UnknownApril 12, 2010 at 12:20 PM

    "If you jump up one more time I'm going to tie you up and let you watch the pond flood the yard again with you in it."

    The twelve-week-old chocolate Lab heard the stern, serious voice and backed off, running to her crate in the garage.

    I don't usually take it out on the dog, but it had been a close call today. I almost made it out with that luscious emerald. Almost slipped out the door while my sweet son served as decoy. Of course the owner wouldn't accuse me of anything, me a prominent executive and board member of the most prestigious non-profit in the city.

    So much for fun today. I'm working out my frustration by washing my black Corvette in the driveway, listening to Lamb of God, and hoping the UPS guy gets here with the advance copies of my new book. It's a real tearjerker, part memoir, part instruction manual for helping a parent die at home.

    A patrol car slows at the end of my driveway.

    "Afternoon, 'maam. There was a little incident this morning at the mall and I wondered if I might be able to ask you a few questions."

    "Of course," I say.

    "There was a gentleman, a Dr. Feinstein, in the jeweler's this morning, saying he's your stepson.

    "I don't have a stepson," I lie as I've always lied about this fact, this person, for the past 26 years.

    "Well he was inquiring about you and your husband and Mr. Diamond said you were acting a little strange in his store today. Just want to make sure everything's OK."

    Damn, the long lost son had come to find his father and finally meet his half-brother.

    Or had they seen each other for this first time this morning?

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  3. shoegirlApril 12, 2010 at 4:37 PM

    That is so me…divine gracious being,yoga,fruit and veg ,health oriented,high heels,free spirited,high strang,rebel,pen and paper,journaling away,hair styled,art,music,films,shool, mother to my boys,dress/suit,laughing bubba,house pvt yard,helicopter pilot,lovable I have interity and honesty.

    Color makes me, What I do not have ,but people expect me to have …Lots of $,a man in my life, my life together by now,a job that makes lots of $,$ from my X. control over my sex appeal. That is an interesting word EXPECT’ Especially when it comes from others Pt of view.
    This person does not have a love in ones life.a house full of furniture.a helicopter of their own a big fancy one with all the bells and whislesor youth.
    After I had my hair and nails done,I went to work in my wonderful modern office in this big high raise building.And worked for days until the job got done.

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  4. AnonymousApril 12, 2010 at 8:31 PM

    Ahh what wonderful stories today and what fun it is to mix things up and plain lie! Interesting how we appear to have similar social pressures and ensuing facade. Or are we part of the problem?
    ____________

    Wearing my favorite hoodie, I grabbed my electric guitar & LPs and ran out of my ex-husband’s European castle to my lover’s apt. After spending all my Swissair frequent flier miles on a one-way ticket, I felt that he was worth the millions he’d spent out of my trust fund. On my iPhone, I could record our pure jazz sessions along with my talented roommate. After a cheeseburger, all the bad karma over drug problems and insomnia evaporated. My feet were comfortably tucked into turquoise Converse sneakers--comfy to travel in. So on the plane ride over, I forgot my grudges and numerous other lovers...

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  5. Chris SpurrellApril 12, 2010 at 9:39 PM

    Artist/Activist - I nearly dropped my laptop on the floor that was so funny :)

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  6. Skull SwingerApril 13, 2010 at 11:00 AM

    Yes!!! Digging this one. Hilarious, wrong and yet so right! Bravo everyone.
    ____________________

    In my morning meditation this morning that I have yet to do, I was right there...right at that place. I was able to quiet my mind once and for all. I had another awakening.

    The meditation topped other epic meditations because it hit me like a golden arrow, it pierced my conscious mind so hard I tipped over backwards and lay on my back for nearly 3 days…in pure peace, awake, with the universe fully realized in my smile.

    I finally got up and dialed my girlfriend in France. She was on her way to work, at the Perrache stop in Lyon. She was not ready for what I wanted to tell her. She was late and had just bitten the inside of her cheek. I asked her if she was still going to the south for holiday, she said yes. I tried not to worry but could feel it rising in me. I reminded her that I didn’t have a new suit, but was planning on buying one upon arrival. She hung up on me.

    I got up, opened a drawer and looked over the array of weapons and grabbed the Bilier, a small axe. “This should do it,” I said to myself catching a glimpse of my forehead and the fresh scar in the mirror.

    As a relentless seeker of beauty and death, I made my gratitude list and jumped into my Humvee, sped down rural route 28 counting the gobs of money in the sack. “Fuck! I do not have a good feeling about this exercise!!” I screamed as I put in my iPod. I selected a new podcast of John Kenneth Galbraith reading Philip Roth’s, When She Was Good. Galbraith read a ton of shit, it’s how he really made his money. My favorite is JKG reading The Rosie Greer Story. It is wrong in every aspect and yet electrifying slow, perfect.

    She called my cell.

    I listened.

    She was unhappy about everything.

    Focusing on the road, I remembered that I was a liar, living the perfect life; 2 young children, a wife, a motorcycle that will go 160 miles an hour, I no longer have a tattoo that spreads across my stomach saying V Thirteen, a 1964 Eldorado convertible, and a will that is not my own…it now belongs to the universe.

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  7. JefferyApril 13, 2010 at 9:51 PM

    Great work everyone! I have been having so much fun having everyone in my life describe the anti-them. The anti-me wears a toupee and gold jewelry, runs a Ponzi scheme and drives a truck with monster tires. My brother hunts and wears bad shoes. Find out who your anti-friends are!

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  8. Nancy MApril 15, 2010 at 10:35 PM

    This morning I was on my way to my Pilates session before work, it was 6:30 and I hit a truck driven by a guy with a pierced tongue. He kept flashing it as he talked like he really wanted me to know he had it. I was repulsed and intrigued at the same time. When we were done exchanging our information for the accident, he asked if I had a boyfriend and I lied and said no. he wanted to know if I wanted to buy an ipod because he had just gotten a shipment in at the store he worked. I said sure, and we agreed to meet after work. He was cute and he looked familiar too, I couldn’t figure out why. Then after he left, I looked down at his name and it was val Kilmer. I didn’t know val Kilmer had a pierced tongue. Well it was probably make up for a movie. He called me later that day, about the truck damage estimate, and that is when he confirmed that he did not have a pierced tongue for real. I asked him about the ipod and he said he made that up too. I told him I had two kids and he said he didn’t like to go out with women with kids. I said, who said anything about out. Come over for a cup of coffee or something. I have an espresso machine. He then quoted an REM song… I’ll settle for a cup of coffee but you know what I really need. I started laughing because I love that song and haven’t heard it in years and I knew that I would fall in love with him but that it would only end in divorce because I can’t stay married to anyone for more than 13 years. Even to someone beautiful and talented like val Kilmer. He did come over to my house that night and he asked me if I would use a strap on and I said I had never done that. He told me about this new movie he is in where someone has to pretend to use one on him and he wants to practice so he can fake it better. He showed me his script and I felt like this was a good sign. I asked what he liked about me and he said I looked like someone who kept a lot of books by my bed, and he said he thought a woman who reads, or who wants to read even, is interesting and that an interesting woman is sexy. I told him I also keep a gun by the bed in case the books get dangerous.

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